20-year-old boyfriend refuses to share his Goodreads username with girlfriend despite her insistence: 'Half of the books in my library are guilty-pleasure reads that I don’t really want to share'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2026 10:00 PM EST

Are you allowed to keep some social media pages to yourself?

Everyone is allowed to have guilty pleasures. In fact, I think we should stop calling them that. There should be no guilt in consuming the things we like to consume. Obviously, it brings us joy, so why should we apologize for that? Why should we keep our tastes and preferences to ourselves? Shouldn't we be allowed to love out loud? 

But we live in a judgmental world. You might not want everyone knowing about all of the stuff you consume. Maybe you're secretly obsessed with Below Deck, and you know you would lose the respect of some of the people in your life if you told them that. You're allowed to keep some things to yourself. You're allowed to keep secrets and leave some things for your eyes only. After all, we are independent people with independent lives. We don't have to share every inch of ourselves with the world, no matter how much society can make us feel that way. Even in the confines of a relationship. Conventional wisdom might tell you that you need to share everything with your partner. You can't keep secrets from them, or else that will erode your trust. But is this really true? Can't we continue to be people with inner depths even once we enter an intimate relationship? Different people might have different takes on that. Some might be in the camp of revealing everything, while others might prefer to keep some details to themselves. 

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  • A man points to something on his phone while his girlfriend looks astonished.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's the question that came up in this story, where a young man in a relationship found himself wanting to keep part of his taste profile to himself. Despite his girlfriend's insistence that he open up. They had already given each other full access to their social media accounts (which is extreme in its own right), and she wanted more. She wanted to know what he was reading and when, and that was one boundary that he didn't want crossed. So they came to an impasse. Read on for the details and see what you would have done in their shoes. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not wanting to share my username on a book app with my girlfriend?

    I (20M) was on a call with my (20F) girlfriend recently talking about books. A long time ago, I recommended her a book on an app we both use because it matched her interests. She read it, liked it, and asked me for more recommendations.
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • I said I'd look for more books for her, but she suggested that we just exchange usernames so she could directly browse my library on the app. The thing is, I felt embarrassed because more than half of the books in my library are guilty-pleasure reads that I don't really want to share. I told her I could just recommend books manually instead of sharing my username.
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • After that, she went quiet and started scrolling on her phone. I asked what was wrong, and she kept saying "nothing," but the mood was clearly off. I kept asking, got frustrated, and eventually turned my camera off for a bit to cool down. She did the same shortly after.
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • Instead of talking verbally since I was still a bit annoyed, I texted her asking why it was such a big deal that I didn't want to share my username. She replied by spamming the "like" emoji and then said, "Then I'm sorry for asking your accounts." For context, I've already given her full access to all my other social media accounts willingly for
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • convenience reasons (e.g, I can't reply to someone we both know so she can do it for me, fetch some files that I might need but I can't get because I'm out and it's urgent, etc.), no problem. I pointed out that she seemed angry even though she said sorry. She then replied, "I'll just remove
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • my access to your accounts then" That felt like guilt-tripping to me, so I ended the call and said that I was only talking about one app, not denying her access to everything, and that she could do whatever she wanted. Her last message was: "I didn't even say anything. "Then don't, shove whatever you're hiding back into yourself."
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • Now I'm wondering if I overreacted or if I was reasonable for wanting privacy over something small and personal. AITA?
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • A young couples uses their phones on the couch.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters gave their takes on this dispute.

    Broken-Ice-Cube ESH you're 20. Act like it. Of course she's doing to wonder why you don't want her having something as simple as your book account. Going silent over it if dramatic. You not being a grown up and using your words makes you ta as well. "Hey sorry but that's full of my embarrassing guilty reads!" Doesn't take much. Then texting her instead of talking come on
    via u/Broken-Ice-Cube
  • Imchatterbox Sharing user names and passwords is so weird.
    via u/Imchatterbox
  • Inevitable Slip9921 NTA - honestly I will say that you need to communicate with her why you want to keep it private if you want the relationship to last. I completely understand the embarrassment and wanting to keep it private - that's your right but I'd also explain to - her why. She might be more receptive than you think
    via u/Inevitable_Slip9921
  • FutureSandwich42 Nah dawg. NTA. YOUR STILL AN INDIVIDUAL and dont have to share everything. You are allowed privacy in a relationship.
    via u/FutureSandwich42
  • notrainsaround here INFO: Can you be clear about exactly what was being suggested? When talking about the book app it seems all that is being asked for is your username so she could see your profile - which lists the books you've read. This seems to me to be akin to being able to see someone's instagram posts etc.
    via u/notrainsaroundhere
  • Then later you say "I've already given her full access to all my other social media accounts". What do you mean by access? Do you just mean that you follow each other (or equivalent) or that she actually has access to your account (i.e. has the password) and could create posts etc etc?
    via u/notrainsaroundhere
  • StuffedSquash It's nothing like a public insta account with your name and face. I don't give anyone my goodreads username. I use it to keep track of what I read and not everything that I read is something I want people to know about. Even with non- embarassing books, it just feels like way too much scrutiny. Other people don't feel the same! But I share OP's view on it 100% and it's not wrong.
    via u/StuffedSquash
  • Vroom VroomSpeed03 OP On all my social media accounts (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) I've given her full access (User, email, and passwords), even my premium accounts since I don't use them often much. On this reading app though, if you follow someone, you can see someone's reading list (I use it to keep track of what I have read or have yet to read). So I didn't wanna share it since yeah, technically I'm just too shy/embarrassed.
    via u/VroomVroomSpeed03
  • flowerybutterfly96 NTA. Not everything you read would you recommend. It's none of her business.
    via u/flowerybutterfly96
  • petplanpowerlift NTA. I have been married for almost 30 years and I don't access my husband's social media or reading apps. Well, we do have a family tradition of "hacking" my husband's Facebook a couple of times a year, but it's one of the kids and he allows it. I haven't even thought about asking for his reading app because our tastes are different.
    via u/petplanpowerlift
  • realdappermuis NTA. Anyone asking for your username and password on a platform is an asshole You are allowed to have private thoughts and feelings and guilty pleasures
    via u/realdappermuis
  • You don't have to be one person with linear opinions to be a couple In a different vein - you could just own it. My dad had a massive bookcase that he remade and had rebuilt even after moving house, and they were predominantly erotic novels. It shouldn't be shamed, but some people are uncomfortable with themselves.
    via u/realdappermuis
  • lovely-nobody esh imagine using your words and communicating with your partner. and her guilt tripping is shitty as well.
    via u/lovely-nobody
  • Poptart5 Add a ton of books about toxic relationships, controlling partners, and how to break up with people book reviews and then share your username.
    via u/P0ptart5
  • Ok_Collar3504 I'm really wondering what books could possibly be so embarrassing you'd not share tbh. I got harassed by my ex to read those fourth wing books, pure smut in places but we broke up and I still bought the next one, I'll skip pages of filth for
    via u/Ok_Collar3504
  • dragons. Unless the books you're hiding are literal porn or hentai or something who cares? Have you seen Harry Potter and Disney adults?! The world is cooked lean into it, the nerds kinda won Even if it is erotica, again who cares? 50 shades was
    via u/Ok_Collar3504
  • an international best seller and it's apparently legit dangerous and not condoned by people in that community. Reading something for fantasy is way less harmful and the HUB surely? The reason I'm leaning YTA
    via u/Ok_Collar3504
  • is because as others have said you could have handled that so much better. If my reasons above aren't clear you could also have just joked and said no way you're too embarrassed. Self deprecating humour is hard to get mad at. You could also have just told her you
    via u/Ok_Collar3504
  • liked surprising her, which you seem to do. Also though she's kind of the A as well, reacted badly and threw the baby out with the bath water. Stinks of immaturity on both sides. You both need to exercise some positive communication and boundaries.
    via u/Ok_Collar3504
  • kittendollie13 It is odd to me that she even asked for that. I would feel like my privacy was being invaded. NTA.
    via u/kittendollie13
  • Bo... You're both so weird and immature. ESH, but you kinda started it so I blame you a lil bit more. Why don't you just tell her what you told all these strangers here? Just say you read a bunch of books
    via u/BonAppletitts
  • you're embarrassed of. She'll be curious anyway and SHE SHOULD. Could be bigoted or redpill trash. So allow her to ask questions to ease her mind or just simply tell her what direction it goes to. Just say it's naughty stuff if it is naughty stuff or cheesy stuff if it is cheesy stuff. It actually is that simple.
    via u/BonAppletitts
  • Maybe she'll be into it too, who knows. Sharing interests with a partner is one of the coolest things ever. Especially if you get them into something new and can watch them enjoy exploring it. You're honestly missing out.
    via u/BonAppletitts
  • And if she judges you for harmless interests, then she's not right for you anyway. No need to hide things, like ever. It just makes her think of the worst and you feel guilty for no reason at all.
    via u/BonAppletitts

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boyfriend relationship advice privacy goodreads relationships girlfriend social media Guilty Pleasure
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